The freedom that I yearned for...

Yes, its true. However, most people wouldn't like me saying this. Or wouldn't accept it to be the truth. May be because they've seen me in the best of spirit and being a good sport all the time. But I wanted more. I wanted more time to myself. I wanted more time to get along with my whims and fancies. I wanted to be more "ME". Yes, I wanted Freedom. And lots of it. My mother might probably disapprove. She tells me all the time...cherish what you have. You don't have to go looking for anything else. You have to maintain and calm yourself and be one of the world. Yeah yeah...all crap, I say. I cannot live like you mom. I need everything. At the same time.

Fortunately, B & T went outta town for 4 days. I've been craving to have this kinda break for a long time, where I could sleep whenever I wanted, wake up in the middle of a lazy afternoon, and party to my heart's content. I did just that. I dropped B & T at the airport and then let myself loose. I had made m\no plans, just let my life unfold. It was just nice. It was peaceful. I did most of the stuff I wanted to do. I watched movies, six of them in one go. I had lazy mornings, lazy afternoons, and overall a lazy unplanned weekend. Which was totally awesome.

Now they are back. B is traveling again. And I am left with shit loads of work in office and an equally crazy schedule at home! All you moms out there, sorry for being so rude...but well...I wish I could get my freedom back. I wish I could roam around a freewilly, trying not to plan anything. I love them both, but there is always a but. I want more time for myself.

A new day just flies away, across the universe

Monday morning. The day which most people dread, be it office goers, school children, home makers, everyone! But here I was, trying to reach work as early as possible. I couldn't wait to get to office. I couldn't sleep. I had to be at my desk as early as possible. I've been thinking of a few pending issues since saturday evening, which spoilt my entire weekend, and left me helpless. i couldn't do much about it, but still I was thinking of it. I am never this way. I always forget about work while am getting outta the office. I don't think about work while I am with family. Suddenly I did not know what went through my head. I was thinking of one such pending task, and damn it stayed on in my mind the whole bloody weekend. I was dying to get to my desk and make a few calls and get this damn thing outta my life. And thats what I did.

I reached work at 7AM this morning. And well, understood that I cannot disturb anyone at that unruly hour. So finished all my work by 9AM and bingo...call time! I called a few people in Chennai, and got my work sorted out. And this is the only day of the week I have in Delhi. I am traveling to Chennai tomorrow to coordinate an Indo-Jazz fusion show this Friday. Since I would be the main sponsor for the event, and since I am bringing in the artists to the store, I need to get everything organised. Be it free passes, banners, hoardings, coordinating with the organisers, the works! And to top it all...coordinate media meetings! Which I so totally hate. Thankfully I have a PR agency that will help me out in Chennai. But you know how it is.

Anyway...now that sorted out. However, I am waiting and I am trying to get myself prepared for all last minute crises. Am sure something will erupt. Which technically means freakin out more and spending less time with mom n dad. And I hope the rains in Chennai don't play havoc. Please be nice to me. I have spent an enormous amount of money for this show. Please be nice. Please please please...

Gastronomically satisfying Diwali it was...

It always meant waking up at 4am, applying oil on the head, taking a quick bath at 4.30am, wearing absolutely new clothes (meaning removing the price tag at that point), and doinga tiny li'l puja, and then off to bursting crackers. And of course, not the forget the sumptuous 4 course meal, accompanied by various sweets and savories, all home-made. Then going to all neighbours and relatives homes to distribute sweets, hog hog and hog a li'l more. Watch television all day! And voila, diwali was over. Well, this was how my diwali was spent till the time I was in Chennai, with my folks.

Now, I've moved on. Or thats what I thought. However, this diwali, I couldn't sleep. Or watch television. I woke up at 4am, and too bad I woke B & T as well. And how much T growled after that! Oooh my god! Anyway, I did the same things my mom used to do. I, for the first time ever, made a full course South Indian meal. I, for the first time, did not crib about anything. Food was made before 7AM, (Oh, and also the gulab jamuns!!!!!!!!) then a quick puja, and then off to a close by temple, and then a fab breakfast (again South Indian), made by ME! B thoroughly was shocked. He also remarked, hey you are turning to be like your mom! And I go...what? don't be silly! Anyway, all that done, we start our "visit friends and relatives" spree. Oh my god! when technically means..a sort of delhi darshan again and more eating and hogging. ANd the worst part was I forgot to pack my dabba of hajmola! And I couldn't smoke...which made matters worse. But hey, its kinda bad to say no to sweets on diwali day, right? So I decided to binge. Which I did till late last night.

So boyfriend, and friends, and everyone...do not make fun. I have gained a few kilos. Which makes me extremely chubby and cuddly. Hmmm....

When a friend turns into a relative...

Oh no! I tell my mother. How could someone manage quadruplets??? I mean no offense, but handling one child is a herculean task in itself. I am talking from experience. I know how difficult it is to manage a two year old, who as of now takes pride in excellent vocabulary that stuns me most of the time, and an energy that could give steffi a run for her money.

It was a bright wednesday morning. I was sitting in the living room of my tiny apartment, looking outside at the trees and the people getting into their cars and rushing to work. I am having my second cup of black coffee, reading the morning papers. My parents were visiting me, and I had nothing to take care of. I knew that the breakfast would be ready by the time I woke up, I knew that the chores had been completed, or lets say the instructions have been given to the maids to take care of the chores, and the plants watered. I was in no hurry. Mom gets her cuppa coffee too, and sits next to me. I was pleasantly thrilled to talk to her in the morning, since I had an easy day, and I wasn't breathing down my neck. Dad was busy with his own thing on his computer. There we start off. And all conversations with mom, usually end up with mom complaining about how inorganised I was when it came to home affairs. But this morning was surprisingly different. She almost was raising a toast to the impeccable child upbringing skills. I was happy to hear that. Yes, my naughty two year old is a delight to be with. She would take one by surprise all the time. And you wouldn't even know.

Anyway, our talk starts. She tells me about this relative of mine who has given birth to monozymous quadruplets! And i go...WHHHHAAAAAAATTTTTTTT??? Are you freakin kiddin me? What? How? Where? When? I skipped the Why bit. Which technically means I am related to my best friend?? Which technically means that my best friend is no longer only my best friend, but also a relative?

I couldn't wait to tell her. But still I took my time. I knew she was busy. Anbd I wanted sometime to digest this fact. But couldn't keep it to myself any longer. And so I sent her a very casual message saying...BTW, we are related. Bang in a minute I get a call from her. It was such a funny feeling. And we just couldn't stop laughing about it.

As a friend says..."Can't you tambrams keep your hands off each other???" Well..what can I say?

Beginning a new tenure...

Its the last day of my work at my current workplace. And its the first day or begginning of the rest of my life. Am having mixed emotions. Yes, I am glad and I am excited about my future. I plan to chill for a month and restart work. Yeah...A month long paid leave!!! Isn't that awesome??? At the same time, I am sure am gonna miss this place.

Today is the last day I will be exiting from this office. It is the last day I would drive at 9am on this road to get to office. It is the last day I have to call the embassy (well...I would obviously call them for my visas. Am talking work related). It is the last day I'd sit on my comfortable chair. It is the last day I would vent out my emotions in the pantry! And it is the last day I'd have a meeting with my dear colleagues. And its the last day I am blogging from this office, from my prized laptop!

I guess its all for good! All the best to me and my future. I hope I have a rockin' time!

I need a new everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Something has drastically gone wrong. I have this extesive craving to acquire everything afresh. Which technically means, a new job, a new lifestyle, a new home, a new car, a new holiday, a new wardrobe, a new this and a new that.

Now let me look at the top most priority. A NEW JOB! So if anyone knew about any new job in the market, which is not related to business or engineering or computers or sales or marketing, let me know.

I would love to work as a waitress in a coffee shop or make pottery, or be a wine taster or be a guide or a taxi driver, become a gardener or maintain an orchid farm, or work for a travel channel or be an assistant to Ralph Lauren or anything extremely different, feel free to write to me. Any other creative job inputs are most welcome.

So buck up everyone, pull up your socks and start looking out for a new exciting job for me. Right now!

So now thats taken care of, I guess the other 'new things' that I want would just follow suit. Lets look at it when we get there...Okie???

CORRECTION: Mota says those haute interesting people are not called wine tasters but wine sommeliars or Oenologists People who study wine science....hmmmm....interesting)

A post without a title!

I hear about this 'Blogstipation' everywhere, and I am feeling the same as well. For the past so many days I did not have any idea what to write about. There were so many incidents in my life that happened last few days, but what can I write about every single thing was important and still insignificant. Hence I decided to take some time off and not write anything.

I found a new passion. Which was to while away time. Which technically means, sitting in front of the idiot box and surf channels, watch crappy TV channels, and still not have any guilt. Yes, I confess, I have become a couch potato! My family tells me, why do you have to hibernate this way? There are so many things to do. And whats wrong with you? Step out, go for a walk, or get out with friends, or read, or bla bla...But I guess I was just too tired to do anything. I had a crazy work schedule last ten days or so, which included some hi-tea sessions at a diplomat's residence and spending time with one of India's top artists / painter / photographer, and convince him to get some stuff for us. Anyway, am not complaining...

But today, here I am, in the office on a lazy saturday pre lunch session, trying to figure out what has to be done during the day. Jeez there are so many things to take care of, that needs constant creative attention and execution, but darn! I have no mood to work!!! I had to get into office today to just show my face to my new firang boss. I had also thought of excuses to make, to play truant and run away from work and have a nice brunch at Khan market with a few buddies. I get in here to realise that she was not coming into work today due to some personal reasons. I go, Oh no! And before I could finish all those sighs and all those nahiiiis...she calls me, only to tell me that she wouldn't be coming into work, and that I have to take care of all her meetings and calls. I go....darn! its a saturday. How cruel can anyone be to make this poor little soul work so much. Just then I feel like taking some time off. I go to the pantry to fix myself a cuppa tea. Just a way to distract myself from work for exactly 3 minutes. And to be honest with you, I have a great passion to get distracted. I have mastered the art. I was thinking, how nice it would be to have a job in one of those travel channels, something like Travel and living or NGC! I would love to do what a Padmalakshmi or Kevin Brouch do, whose job is to travel to great exotic locations, taste some fine wine or indulge themselves in gastronomic wonders! Ah, how nice!

Well well..All I can do at this point is just think about this and grudge and feel jealous and crib and everything. Only to realise that I have to send a creative matter to a publication and my deadline is nearing!!! Ooops..gotta run!

The Great Indian Joint Family & Me!

Oh how much I love writing about this topic. It actually feels quite funny to write about this, considering the fact that I am a single lonely child of working parents, who lived in a back of beyond place in Chennai. The only times I had interactions with my cousins, my aunts and uncles were during festivals or family functions where we used to cling on certain stupid details and brag about it, just for show off sakes. Something like, "oh I have that dress that Madhuri Dixit wore in that movie Tezaab for that dance number Ek, Do, Teen"... to "I went swimming in Marina Beach and swam for some 3 kms"... to "I found a biig snake in the bathroom and I caught it myself, thre it out of the door and it went away". Simple things to impress the kiddos of the house. And these kids would stare in amazement and probably talk about this to everyone in the village.

Anyway, I always felt that living in a joint family was such a great feeling, no body would bother you, you could just hang around and play pranks, no one would question you why you did this and that, and if at all they did, you could just put the blame on someone else. Wow...what a nice feeling! And one thing about a joint family I thought rocked was how uncles would take all children for ice cream in the evening, and how you could wear your cousin's clothes and show off in school the number of dresses you had and the variety. Very nice indeed.

I have this colleague who lives in a joint family, asouth Indian, a tam bram to be precise...and she complains about how difficult and irritating it is to live with a bunch of pattu paatis, ambi mamas, subbu chittappas, vijaya paatis, kannan perippas, lakshmi mamis, etc. And this crazy amount of cousins. The amount of answers one needed to give if they wanted a night out with friends. Or the kind of clothes one needed to wear at home and while stepping out...all screened and canned properly. And also the kind of gossip and 'poking nose' that happens.

Oh my god! Thankfully I dont have to be subject to all these. Thankfully now I have grown up I guess. Thankfully!

Aah..

I was wondering where you were. I have many things to tell you. I feel a lull since I haven't spoken with you for so many days. Such a long time...I did not imagine. And I do not know what you are doing or where you are. I do not know what's going on between us as well.

I need you, I need to make a confession. I want to tell you something, that has been killing me for so long!

I wish my knees don't hurt me so much, with all that burden! I wish my shoulders had some more strength to take all that pressure. I wish my heart could accomodate some extra space for me to contain my feelings. I wish my mind wanders around scot-free without any guilt. I wish I could stay close to you and talk to you, holding your hand, hoping you would understand.

I wish you were here now.

Spectacular is the word...

Last evening was tough on me. Or so I thought. I was feeling dizzy, I hadn't had anything to eat all day, thanks to the back-to-back meetings in the office and "certain uncertainities" in the workplace. I've been having unlimited cups of chai and I thought to myself, this is it. I have reached a saturation point. I can't sustain any longer.

I decided to go home. Now driving back 17 kms, the thought made me even worse. And to top it all, I had to pick up my daughter from the creche, cook for her, play with her, deal with her tantrums, read to her, and bla bla. I had absolutely no strength to manage anything and I wanted to just crash!

I got this call from my dear friend Al, who wanted to come over for a drink. I had no energy for this, but then, I had second thoughts. I hadn't seen him for a while now, and wanted to seriously talk to him and kinda chill out. I thought of cooking, but I changed my mind. Anyway, I invited him over, and we started drinking. One sip of single malt, did it all. I started throwing up! I felt better. I thought I should get my daughter to bed first, and then restart all that puking. I felt better after a point.

It started raining. Wow! It was beautiful. I didn't know how to enjoy the rains with this nauseating feeling. I gathered strength and asked Al, hey you want to get drenched. And he was a good sport. And there we are standing in my tiny li'l balcony, enjoying the showers. It was just beautiful. I also had a mind to go for a walk in that heavy downpour, but well...someone had to take care of the new pair of Levis. Anyway, there we stood, me feeling extremely cold and yet absorbing the showers, forgetting the nausea.

It was fanthetastic! It was something I hadn't done in a long time. It was something I couldn't have done with anyone else. I forgot the nausea! It was refreshing. And I thoroughly loved it!

Thanks Al!

Countryroads, take me home...

This is one song that I seem to be humming these days very often. Surprisingly, I did not listen to this song on the radio or in any pub lately, but it just entered my head and is adament that it stayed there.

Lately, I've been missing my home. My home in Chennai. I've been missing my mom and dad. I've been missing all the pampering I got from them. I've been missing those lazy days, where I used to just hang around, doing nothing. I've been missing that delicious mom-cooked food.

I've been dying to go home and spend some time with them, but this plan doesn't seem to be seeing the light of the day. I've been leading a very hectic lifestyle lately, as in running behind a very naughty daughter, dealing with her innocent childhood and illnesses, her creche 'homework', my husband's crazy work timings and socialising with his prospective clients, my highly energised boss, and an action packed communications scene for the two brands!

Anyway, now that will go on for sometime, atleast till March 2007. Let me see if I could take a break then. But someone help me take a break. NOW!!!

The Himalayan Dhaba

Mary, a newly widowed American doctor, travels to a remote hospital high in the Indian Himalayas to work with a colleague of her late husband. She arrives to find this doctor missing, the hospital abandoned, and she is the only medical provider within a hundred miles.

Caught between shattering loneliness and harrowing self doubt, she struggles to overcome daunting medical and cultural obstacles in a yearlong odyssey of healing and redemption that connects her with a cast of unexpected characters.

I picked up this book a couple of weeks ago, but started reading it on Sunday. It is light reading, at the same time, Craig has portrayed the emotions and thoughts of Mary is a very realistic manner. Its been written about quite a few times, the way the hippies throng the Himalayas just to find dope. The same has mention in this as well. Its also not a new thing for a non-Indian to leave her country and try her level best to help patients or victims of third world countries. The book is about the same thing, again! And I also found that the author has gone overboard with certain events, something like Mary waiting to pee for over a day! I mean...how much can you talk about it? Pick up this novel and you'll know! Overall, a very light and boring read!

And it was a long disappointing weekend...

Its rather sad to watch three great teams England, Argentina and my personal dahlings Brazil, get outta the world cup. Its very sad. And to top it all up, the South Americans are nowhere in the picture now. And this is the first time in over two decades that a South American team will not be part of the final four. Europeans are shining this time.

I watched the Germany - Argentina match at the Trident, Gurgaon with some great whisky, mouth watering snacks and some real cool looking marine engineers! And one of them was a Brazilian, who would have killed himself, had Argentina won that match. Thank God! He did not die on us! But yeah, penalty shoot outs was awesome. But suddenly I felt as though Argentina had the worst goalie ever!

Anyway, that over, over to the England Portugal match. Wow..this was something I really loved watching. A red card, high voltage penalty shoot outs, Beckham's injury. It was a match very well played, and it was tough to take a side. I was kinda ok with anyone winning here. But yeah, I had to take a side, and I chose England. They lost ultimately. And what a way to exit the captaincy, Beckham actually stepped down as England skipper!

Now thats done. Saturday night was a disaster! It was a long long night for me especially. I was all geared up to watch the Brazil France match post mid night. I had a few friends over, ordered some kebabs, a few drinks, and it was a party! A party for what??? To see Brazil lose.

In my personal opinion, it was an excellent match. But I lost the bet. Thats what I can say. Lets look forward to an all-European semis now. Let me go with the Germans now...hmmm...anyone here???

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

My favorite serial, an all-time favorite! I remember the first time I chanced upon this serial . I was doing my own thing with my cousins, when suddenly they dropped everything they were doing and started glueing themselves to the television. I was like..."hey, what the hell, we still haven't finished this game of scrabble!" And they were just not bothered. I had no choice but to watch the episode. I quite liked it, but then didn't quite understand what was going on, and I thought it was 'slapstick comedy'! Oh my god! thinking of it right now, makes me laugh!

That was the start of a beautiful journey of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. I picked up as many CDs as possible during that trip, watched them over and over again, to basically get the plot. And finally realised that there was no plot!!! (Remember...am partially blonde???) Its just about these six guys hanging around and sharing a beautiful friendship!

It is just so magical the way the six of them (Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler and Ross) stick together all the time, discuss everything under the sun, yet have their own personal lives. They intrude into everything, they have their own likes and dislikes, they are a very closely knit group, they share clothes, they hibernate in Monica's apartment, they watch Ugly naked guy, and they make funny remarks about each other. Yet, they are the best of friends. They date other people on and off, yet come back to their personal group.

I have watched each and every episode ever since and by now, I know the dialogues as well, by heart. And trust me when I say this!

But now, am sad. F.R.I.E.N.D.S. is over. Season 10 was the last, and its over now. This was the best comedy ever made. Kudos Team Warner Bros. Kudos, David Crane, Marta Kauffman, and Kevin Bright. Good luck to the artists for their future endeavours! I love you guys! And miss you...

Brazeeeelll, anyone???

The world cup fever is on, and it has surprisingly become mandatory for all bloggers to write a piece on the game. Since I am practicing writing blogs these days, I decided I give it a humble try as well. I might not be a football fanatic but I do watch the game, especially when my fav team Brazil is on!

There is a bet going on among my friends that this time it would be Argentina would be the champions of the game. However, I beg to differ slightly. Deep down, I know that Brazil is not doing a good job. Did you see the earlier matches??? My god! It was just sheer luck! But I have to differ. I have to be taking my own stance on the game. I know that Ronaldinho, Ronaldo and Carlos will lead the team to be winners. And hey, did you guys watch the ads that were doing the rounds...wah! mazaa aa gaya. Look at the power of those ads, where Brazilians try kicking the ball at the green room, and suddenly when the time was up, they decide to pray before heading to the ground. Look at the patriotism.

And speaking about patriotism, I was telling this person the other day, yaar, tell me something, India has over a billion people, can't they generate 11 players outta that??? Isn't this something we need to be questioning ourselves??? Thats mind boggling statistics!

Anyway...I am planning to cheer for the Brazilians this time as well. ANyone joining me here?? And I have plans to watch the game with full tashan! Just like how germans would be doing now!

Dubix, it seems, now saves on breath
Is momhood a wretched drain on her mirth?
Or is it she is pressed for Father Time
I wonder quick, in meter and rhyme!
- N. Madhavan

__________________________________________________________
Just when I shed mah halo, and practised some modesty
In comes this woman, calling me Your Majesty!
And then, in the grapevine, I hear things dubious
That Dubix thinks I'm eccentric; I'm furious!
Perhaps twas said, as they say, in jest
With that I put my lingering doubts to rest
Now that her appellation, makes me royalty
I might just find her words, just mah cup o'tea
- N. Madhavan
___________________________________________________________


There were trying times, when I pondered
In the overload of info, I wondered
How I do I get myself across?
(Without sounding loud or gross)
Amid a cackle of mails and messages
And the chaotic mess that presages
Was a desire to be a little heard
While not sounding vain or absurd
Meter and rhyme then came to my aid
I tried some verses, broke off from the staid
They often work well, even when scribbled quick
They raise a brow, a laugh, sometimes sound slick
I thank the Lord, the venerable Creator
Then you my lady, a true appreciator
So odes come flying for girlfriends who put pressure
And then occasionally, to the Mother of Tiyasha!

Now it can be said, with a measure of confidence
Having examined her, as it were, with a lens
That the lady in question: mind, body and face
Did indeed deserve my verse and my praise
With my share of meeting, and gauging
I found her elegant, and to boot, engaging
Peddling in style, her Hispanic wares
Porcelain mystique from a medieval lair!
Manicuring her time to mind a lil child
(Motherhood does tame a woman so wild!)
Just as well, I say, she likes a turn of phrase
It does (her husband would argue) make a good case
Down-to-earth sense, mixed with the regal
The poise of a gazelle, wings of an eagle
I doff my hat then, to say: Nice meeting ya
- N. Madhavan
_____________________________________________________________________

(P.S.: written to me by Maddy. Dubix is me...my log in name on ryze networking!)

(Psst...How much I love to brag about myself!!! Haa...see, now you know why you say am the pampered one???)

Say a li'l prayer for you..

My heart works extra time when I think of you
My mind says, I'll follow the heart, when I feel you,
My body feels this overwhelming want to hold you
My eyes feel its a treat when they see you.

I wish I could hug you and kiss you,
I wish I could hold your hands and walk with you,
I wish I could protect you from the thorns when you keep your steps
I wish I could understand how and what you feel
I wish I could stay thinking of you...

My wish is to say a li'l prayer for you,
My wish is to wish for good things and pass the wish to you...

Silence...

Oh dear love,
Your silence is killing me,
I can hear the silence
Of yo silent love.

Oh silent dreams,
You came so silently
You left an impact in my mind
Strongly but Silently

Oh silent faith
Why is it so important
To keep up with this faith
And to keep it, silently

Oh silent breeze,
You spoke to me
About the person I love
Silently...

How could an angel break my heart? by Toni Braxton..Truly one of my favorites

I heard he sang a lullaby
I heard he sang it from his heart
When I found out thought I would die
Because that lullaby was mine
I heard he sealed it with a kiss
He gently kissed her cherry lips
I found that so hard to believe
Because his kiss belonged to me

How could an angel break my heart
Why didn't he catch my falling star
I wish I didn't wish so hard
Maybe I wished our love apart
How could an angel break my heart

I heard here face was white as rain
Soft as a rose that blooms in May
He keeps her picture in a frame
And when he sleeps he calls her name
I wonder if she makes him smile
The way he used to smile at me
I hope she doesn't make him laugh
Because his laugh belongs to me

How could an angel break my heart
Why didn't he catch may falling star
I wish I didn't wish so hard
Maybe I wish our love apart
How could an angel break my heart

Oh my soul is dying, it's crying
I'm trying to understand
Please help me

How could an angel break my heart
Why didn't he catch my falling star
I wish I didn't wish so hard
Maybe I wished our love apart
How could an angel break my heart

The Da Vinci magic continues...

I have always been fascinated by Christianity, not just the religion, but the preachings, the mysteries and the simplicity. I have been a student of English literature at a 'college with a convent attitude'. I studied at Stella Maris College, one of the best colleges run by Catholic missionaries. And I was one among the very few non christians to attend the retreats, the readings and pray at the church everyday before classes. My interest in christianity triggered off with the visit to shrine Velankanni, a popular church near Nagapattinam. Dad was particularly interested in visiting this church every year and light candles. And I became familiar with the walls of the church, with the smells, with the cross and with Jesus Christ.

Anyway, my liking to the religion led me to watch the movie a second time. Yes, i have read the book, the sequels and the non-fiction version, I have seen the Gospel of Judas, and I have browsed through internet sites to figure out the myth behind the controversies.

I had to watch it a second time. There was no other way. I had to figure out how Mary Magdelene was meant to carry the church forward. I had to figure out how Jesus' blood trail still exists to this day. I had to figure out about Opus Dei that started as a cult in 1939. All these are still vague in my mind. And I dare not ask any stauch Catholic answers to any of these queries. They might just sue me for slaughtering their religion.

And I am still thinking of these mysteries, and I am yet to find answers to most of them. How could the church suppress these harsh facts?

Answers, anyone???

Of expectations and heart breaks...

This is one topic I have always felt I am on the stronger side. I have been usually quite ok with break ups, and really did not take the extra baggage forward. And I quite could not understand why people wanted to drag past memories to the future. As far as I am concerned, I live in the present, and not care about what the future holds for me.

Something very strange just happened. A friend of mine (I don't think its appropriate to name people here) called me to tell me that she and her so called boyfriend had a "talk". A talk about their relationship, a talk about the path forward, a talk about the stress it gave each other. And I did feel bad, actually aweful for the couple. And I always thought that this couple were cool and hip and happening, and they were so much in love. They would call each other at least a 10 times to say they loved each other. They would drive around the city and felt extremely comfortable with each other. They would yap about any topic, and laugh about their flaws.

Yet they had a strained love affair. And I exactly know the reason why. Its due to expections, its due to extremely contrasting views on love and marriage and life and future, its due to the time they dont get to be with each other. And also, not living the moment, but thinking of the future.

I ask myself, why do people expect their loved ones to do what they feel like? I cant find an answer to this, and I am no expert on this topic, since I expect a lot from my loved ones as well.

And the conclusion to this cute li'l love affair was a break up. One so bad that am sure both of them cannot stop thinking of each other, yet they need to pretend that they are angry with each other.

A mask to wear here...

If for a minute
I cease to exist

If for a minute
I fail to react

If for a minute
I stop to love you

If for a minute
I refuse to recognise you

If for a minute
My thoughts wander...

Think its on purpose

I am looking at life from a different perspective...

The Da Vinci magic

Oh my god, Oh my god, I finally, finally, finally watched the movie. I had been going crazier by the day for not watching the first day first show. I was annoyed, I felt bad that I could not go watch the preview, even after my friend's invitation; invitation to watch the movie with him, invitation to pick me up from home and drop me back! Oops...I live next door to the PVR! Its almost a pajama party if I had to go for a movie!

Anyway, looking at my state, my best friend Al decided he take me to watch the movie. We set a date and a date it was. It was the 2250 show. Al came home at 2100 hrs and we thought a couple of drinks before the movie will not do us any harm. So there I go...opening a fine single malt and chilling out with my buddy. My better half joins us and he gets his friends over as well! So before could finish one drink, it was a total party! And I was humming..tonite is party time, its party time tonite! We spoke and laughed about musings, ravings, about legal and media professions, and whow...before we could realise it was 2300hrs! And we are already late by 10 minutes for the movie. Oh no! how I cursed myself. I so wanted to watch the curator die, I so wanted to watch the grand entry of Sophie Nevue. I did not know how we managed to run so fast to the movie hall. It took us exactly 3 minutes from then on to reach the movie hall. I thought I had lost 500 grams by then and Al decided he'd skip his morning kick boxing class for the next 3 days!

We wait in the queue and oh no...this was the longest queue ever! In fact there were just 6 people I would have counted in front of me, but it seemed as though we'd get to our seats just during the interval. And lo behold! to our surprise...the movie is delayed by half hour. And there we go...breathing a sigh of relief, panting, sweating and feeling thirsty, all at the same time! We get our pop corn pepsi combos, trying to get a place to sit near the candy bar. And there's no place! The waiting area is full of Da Vinci enthusiasts, some first timers, some who have seen it 3 times before, many who have read the book twice or more, and wanting to watch how Ron Howard has captured the essence of Dan Brown's fictional versions of Mary Magdelene, Holy Grail and Christianity. And Al and I were one of them, the last kinds. We now patiently watch as people are talking, capturing various interpretations and not saying a word, while we munch on crispy corn and chilled pepsi.

Finally, after a half hour wait...we enter the hall, and grab our seats! And the rest is history. Well well, I don't think I am going to get into the story in detail. Its not necessary. Its for you to watch and interpret the way you want. As for me and All, this was the greatest movie ever made, after Matrix, and the entire story is so mind boggling. The way Ron has depicted the secret cult, the way Tom Hanks has played Robert Langdon and the way Tautau spoke Frenchie English! Ah...so awesome...and so real. Not to forget the sets, the churches!

Beautiful is the word. I was totally impressed. Luckily I did not have the reviews and critical analysis stuck in my head. Thankfully that helped!

Make overs? Did I say???

So let me see, what have I done today? I do not ponder on this subject a lot, but sometimes I do. And today is one of those days.

For those who have known me, and for those who don't, here goes a humble attempt of publicising 'Kavita'. I am Kavz to my closest friends, K to some, Kavi to family, tigress to one, amma to my daughter, and babe to my husband, well sometimes he calls me pattu... now don't ask me the meaning of this. If you are intelligent enough, ask a tambram, and they could solve your query. Oh get this, Abhi, a very close friend, whom I met in college, and now I am proud to be his close friend, calls me "Ms. Tamarind"! Strange, huh?

Also, people who have known me, know me as a free, casual, and a thorough non-delhiite. Which is completely true. I am so not like those typical women, always dressed up as though they were modelling for a lipstick or ???whatever! I am not the one who had pancakes stuffed on their faces all the time. I don't give an arm or a leg about whether my lipstick is smudged or have I eaten them off. I don't care if I got sun burn while traveling out on work. I don't care if I did my eye brows. I don't care if I hadn't had my weekly dose of manicure! Manicure...did you hear me say??? Jeez! I can't imagine myself in bright pinks or brown shades of nail polishes! Forget Reds!! Daredevils kinds! Aah, writing about these gives me the jitters and I laugh at women who look so artificial.

Oh sorry...guess I diverted from the topic a li'l bit. Yeah..so people who know me, relate to what I am saying. But something drastic happened the weekend. I got my appointment fixed at Ambika Pillai's and got my hair god damn straightened!!! Whow...can you imagine me sitting at the salon for 6 full hours with a few boards stuck to my head, so that I did not move my neck! Man..you should have been there to believe this! I was tired, I was hungry, and I blamed myself and my dear friend Anu, for this! (anu...I hold you responsible for this!)

Anyway, thats done, I walk into work today, and I find the entire office staring at me and saying...whow whow whow...what the hell have u done? Yeah, it looks nice, but what have u done? And how much money did you spend???

Seems like people still can't over this shock (or....lemme call it pleasant surprise). But I have made up my mind to give such scares once in a while. What next? Hmmm...may be I go bald???

Dream a li'l dream...

About 18 years ago...I had a dream...I dreamt of being the world's largest collector of Barbies! I wanted every new barbie doll and Ben that were introduced. I carried barbies around everywhere. I screamed and rolled on the floor when mom refused to buy me the ever so beautiful and pinky barbie dollhouse. Finally dad gave up! He got me a doll house on a saturday, and I spent one whole week playing house!

About 15 years ago, I had a dream...I dreamt of being a supermodel. May be the barbie fever triggered it off, but I felt that I had the bod and the mind to carry it off. And this was also the time when we went on a family vacation to Europe. I saw chicks dressed for a Milan catwalk. Wow...look at these womenn. Look at the way they maintain their figures!

About 10 years ago...I had a dream! I wanted to quit school and be a freewilly. What would it be like if I had no board exams or college admission tensions? What would it be like if I had to just travel around and do absolutely nothing??

About 8 years ago...I dreamt about something. I said to myself, this is it! This is what I wanted to become. A journalist, and a photo journalist at that! I was particularly fascinated by the myraid pictures a heart can alone feel, the portraits that would get a zillion eyes' comments, and a landscape that the mind wants to explore.

About 6 years ago...I had a dream. I dreamt of being so much in love with my boyfriend and wanted to spend the rest of my life with just this one person. I dreamt of a country life, by the woods, having a ranch, owning 6 dogs and a bungalow. I imagined doing chores with my loved one, and enjoying each and every moment.

About 3 years ago...I had a dream. I dreamt of making it big in the corporate world. I dreamt of a plush office on Times Square or the Twin Towers in KL. I dreamt of wearing elegant business attire and ruling in a man's world.

Yesterday, I had a dream. I dreamt of ageing gracefully and seeing my daughter happily married, while I enjoy my time with the love of my life.

And I am still dreaming....

I feel alive, Today
I live a life full of love and mystery, refreshingly real and transparent.
I celebrate my freedom and revel in my success
I am an idealist. But am not waiting for what comes to me in my dreams.
I chase my own dreams. I do not need to be defined!
My decisions are my choices to seek change and new experience.

I shine out.

Yes I represent a luxury brand. Yes, I plan to stick on to luxury business for a while now. Yes, I enjoy being snobbish when people ask for the price. But, am I really the kinds who would like to flaunt an LVMH or a Ferragamo or a Bvlgari?

Seriously I do not have an answer to this. Who would not like to be seen carrying one of these deigner, trendy, hip, upmarket fashion wear? I surely would. But does it, in reality, go with my image?

This takes me down memory lane, when my father was asked to use the company's sleek mercedes benz. My dad, for people who don't know him, is an extremely down to earth, no nonsense kinda man. He lives life very modestly, not being affected by the changing trends. He doesn't spend on luxuries, but has all the necessities. However, when it came to me or my mother, he would go out of his way to "satisfy our cravings" or anything thats luxuxy for him! Now just imagine, a guy like this, being given a Merc! Boy, you should've been there to check out his reaction. And yeah, I was too young to click a picture of that expression that almost crashed my hope. He, in a very soft tone told his boss that he was very happy with the amby that he owned, and that he would look like a clown if he ever owned a merc! And at that moment, I wanted to yell!
"Are you kiddin' me? How could you? Someone just offered you the most luxurious car there is, and you politely said NO? You've gone crazy Mr. Father!" I felt as though the entire world came crumbling and I can't do anything without that shiny black car.
At this point my dad took me to a corner and said..."you know my lil child, its great to be a dreamer. Its awesome, when you are in dreamland, where everything is nice and rosy. But we need to realise those dreams and work towards it.
I was about to explode...what the hell??? And sure, at that moment, I just did not understand what he was talking about or trying to explain to me.
Back to where I started. I represent a luxury brand, but am I really keen on owning them? Or am I perfectly fine being a free soul who cares a damn about what brand I've got on?
And now I realise, it's all in the mind.

Kudos Dad!

What do I write?

My blog is finally created. And I ask, what do I write? Am not a good writer, yeah I can talk, I can laugh but penning it down on paper! Are you kiddin' me??? I have seriously not written before, well...if you don't consider script writing for corporate films or hosting a website. I seriously can't write for nuts!
Ok, let me take this is a serious attempt to write what I want to convey or even what I think. And when I think of this, my thought process is suddenly changing. The walls that were blocking my mind from thinking of words are suddenly being crushed by this force that is telling me to just write what I feel.
And thats exactly what am doing.
So people...welcome to my blog.