Monsoon memories

Monsoon memories

It's raining...drops of silver memories are all around me

Whispering in the drizzle

Asking me to look back in pain

Do u remember meeting someone in the rain?

There is a canvas of cloud

With your lips painted on it

Comes close to me with a few drops of words

Just like crystallized dew

Tells me still i remember you,

Tells me still i remember those moments

It seemed like a dream, an angel walking toward me

I wake up smelling the rain,

Thinking you'd be there...

Hum mein hai Hero

Lately, I've been hearing this song way too often. Especially during the Independence day weekend, I guess every available TV slot was taken by the hero guys. Its a beautiful advetisement from Hero Honda, oops..Hero I feel. Whats with all these names. I am sooo used to calling the company Hero Honda, and then suddenly..Bam..the name is changed. The suffix dropped.
I have been humming this song ever since I heard it to television the first time. Its sort of stuck to my vocal chords I guess.
Sorry I am going through serious blogstipation. Dunno what to write. Simultaneously having an SMS chat with a friend...so...

I feel exposed!!!! Oh wait...I am exposed!!!!!

For all those who know about this blog, and for those who dont, here is a piece of information. I have been maintaining this blog for over 7 years now. I havent in the last 7 years to make it public. Yeah yeah, i know this is in the cyber space aka public domain, but you know I have never felt the need to make it public. It is a place where I could make my secret confessions, without letting anyone know about it, much like the confession rooms in churches, whee you do not know who is listening. A father yes, but then who is that man and what is he thinking? Anyway, much like that.

Now I am going to give you a synopsis of what happened a coupla days ago.

WEDNESDAY. 7.30am: Breakfast table, having toast, papaya and my filter kaapi. Yesterday I had written about the movie ZNMD and how I wanted to embrace that concept in life. I did not do a movie review. I was not completely moved by the movie either. See the thing is, when DCH was released about a decade ago, it was a revelation. Now we are sorta used to the concept. We know exactly how to lead life, we know that we should live life to the fullest, yet, do we? Problem area, right??

Anyway, I had written this piece on this on-off blog of mine. Finished it, posted it, done with it. I now have a confession to make. This so called blog on my musings that I have been maintaining for the last 7 years is known to a few of my very close friends, and not to the family. INCLUDING THE HUSBAND!!!!

There..I said it. So then what happened? WHat was the need to write this today? Yesterday after I had posted the blog, i had let it on. Did not realise that the husband wanted to use the comp fo checking something. And there, there it was, those unspoken words, that unknown space alien to him, was staring right at him. Not knowing how to react, in fact I knew he wanted to yell out, "WHAT THE FISH???" but then he took it in the right spirit and requested if he could read the blog. I showed him a few pieces. Now I am wondering why I had kept it from him for so long. I guess I know the answer. I guess its because I wanted to barf out my emotions and not hurt the person I know will be with me forever. I know i know u guys might think I am a secretive person, but then thats the truth. Am I guilty? No. Believe it or not.

FRIDAY, 7.30am: Same Breakfast table, having dosa, chutney, papaya and my caffeine fix for the day. Cannot help but feel a great sense of happiness for having maintained this blog. The husband is traveling, but I still know he is around......

And am free...free falling!

Look, this is not about how yummy or rocky the marriage is, or my daily soap opera sagas. Was watching ZNMD and suddenly felt a pang of anxiousness. No dummies..not butterflies. Nor did I have a stomach bug. See the thing is, the actors in that movie traveled extensively across the length and breadth of Espana. I almost did too..about 7 years ago. However, I did not try bull fighting in Pamplona, Sky diving in Madrid or that stomping of tomatoes festival in ..whats that place called? And mind you, I was a lonely traveller aka a woman in wanderlust during this trip. I had this urgent sensation to get outta the theatre then and there and book tickets on the next available flight to Barcelona or Madrid. I look at the husband sitting next to me, laughing his guts out at a few Farhan Akhtar jokes. I want to shout out saying I wanna I I I wanna....

The sad part was..the movie got over, the pop corns and pepsi done with, and we were out of the movie hall. Sitting in the car, on the way back home, I glanced at the husband and kinda felt the need to start up the topic. Before the head and heart struggle could start, my lips blabbered those words, those dreaded, long waiting to escape outta the body words...."I wish I could be free, free from the clutches of everyone, free to do whatever I want to do. Is it ever possible?" The husband, in shock, or for that matter, not knowing how to reply to the sacred need for my want of freedom, replied, "Sure babe, I have always told you to do what you want to do. Take a break, go out for a coupla days, you'll feel better."

Now now, how do I explain to him that its not about those two days, I want to enjoy my feedom forever. Damn it, there I said it. Those unspoken words, those brushed under the carpet words. The thing is, and I dont want to sound very pseudo here, the thing is, I love the husband, I love the family, but I love me more, I love my freedom more.

Do you think anyone would understand that? Then the other question pops up. How will the family manage? How will I take care of the bills? Now my head is speaking to me at jet speed.

Oh sod it...I tell the head, and get on with my daily chore!