And am free...free falling!

Look, this is not about how yummy or rocky the marriage is, or my daily soap opera sagas. Was watching ZNMD and suddenly felt a pang of anxiousness. No dummies..not butterflies. Nor did I have a stomach bug. See the thing is, the actors in that movie traveled extensively across the length and breadth of Espana. I almost did too..about 7 years ago. However, I did not try bull fighting in Pamplona, Sky diving in Madrid or that stomping of tomatoes festival in ..whats that place called? And mind you, I was a lonely traveller aka a woman in wanderlust during this trip. I had this urgent sensation to get outta the theatre then and there and book tickets on the next available flight to Barcelona or Madrid. I look at the husband sitting next to me, laughing his guts out at a few Farhan Akhtar jokes. I want to shout out saying I wanna I I I wanna....

The sad part was..the movie got over, the pop corns and pepsi done with, and we were out of the movie hall. Sitting in the car, on the way back home, I glanced at the husband and kinda felt the need to start up the topic. Before the head and heart struggle could start, my lips blabbered those words, those dreaded, long waiting to escape outta the body words...."I wish I could be free, free from the clutches of everyone, free to do whatever I want to do. Is it ever possible?" The husband, in shock, or for that matter, not knowing how to reply to the sacred need for my want of freedom, replied, "Sure babe, I have always told you to do what you want to do. Take a break, go out for a coupla days, you'll feel better."

Now now, how do I explain to him that its not about those two days, I want to enjoy my feedom forever. Damn it, there I said it. Those unspoken words, those brushed under the carpet words. The thing is, and I dont want to sound very pseudo here, the thing is, I love the husband, I love the family, but I love me more, I love my freedom more.

Do you think anyone would understand that? Then the other question pops up. How will the family manage? How will I take care of the bills? Now my head is speaking to me at jet speed.

Oh sod it...I tell the head, and get on with my daily chore!